Chapter 3: A Child Molester Gets Caught while in Prison
Quiet and Attractive Girls 1, 2 and 3 are seated nearby Vladimir as he wakes up
Quiet and Attractive Girls 2 and 3: Good morning Vladimir, we brought you breakfast!
Vladimir: I hope it’s more exciting than that boring party last night.
Quiet and Attractive Girls 2 and 3: Hahhahahah, I’m sure it will be.
Vladimir: Oh good. Could I get some Earl Grey tea from this British company?
Quiet and Attractive Girls 2 and 3: Don’t you want Russian Tea?
Vladimir: Well just because I’m Russian doesn’t mean I don’t want other foods.
Quiet and Attractive Girl 3: That makes sense.
Quiet and Attractive Girl 2: Ok, so that “strategy room” we were in last night…
Vladimir: Was actually an American Blackhawk Helicopter?
Quiet and Attractive Girl 1: Wellllllll that’s another story but anyways we are in Cleveland now.
Vladimir: Ahhh the Kremlin was right...this is a “Cleveland Bound Death Sentence”.
Quiet and Attractive Girl 3: C’mon dude...you already accepted the mission.
Vladimir: Alright, alright….yeah I guess let’s move forward then.
Quiet and Attractive Girls 1, 2 and 3 in unison….GO OPERATION BLACKHAWK...WOO!
Quiet and Attractive Girl 1: Ok...so for this morning I need all of you to shower.
Quiet and Attractive Girls 2 and 3: Together or Separate?
Quiet and Attractive Girl 1: All of us including Vladimir will be showering together.
Vladimir (bored): Alright
Quiet and Attractive Girl 1: Excellent! Ok and before we all shower together we must all agree not to have discussions about Economics. Is this agreed?
Vladimir: Oh, thank god. I’m so tired of Americans asking me about Economics. I WANTED discussion of Economics to be banned! Hahhahah this is glorious! Woooo!
Quiet and Attractive Girl 3: Ok dude, just calm down.
Vladimir: No, I will not calm down! I WANT to talk about Medical Statistics!
Everyone (bored): We KNOW….you’ve told us that 3 times now.
Vladimir: Wait...what??! I thought I only mentioned it once before.
Everyone (bored): No...you’ve mentioned it multiple times.
Vladimir: Do I talk about myself too much? Will this be a problem for dating in the USA?
Everyone: So, you intend to eventually move here and date an American woman?
Vladimir (embarrased): Ummm...did I say that? No, I didn’t say that...I am very loyal to my country!
Everyone: Ok...well I think we’re sort of covered that already…
Vladimir: What do you mean sort of? You will take me to American Sex Trafficker now! You will allow me to…
Quiet and Attractive Girl 1(cutting him off): Let’s not get ahead of ourselves...or behind ourselves as it were (winks at Vladimir).
Vladimir (pretending to yell): ALRIGHT SO WE ALL AGREE NOT TO TALK ABOUT ECONOMICS THEN.
Senator X is heard walking up the stairs
Senator X: This is simply splendid! All of you have agreed not to talk about Economics all on your own...without me even asking!
Everyone: (Laughing) Yeah, we did!
Senator X: Ok, so for lunch we’re going to meet a very important man in Ohio...he’s a Republican Congressman!
Vladimir (Laughing): I can’t...I just can’t. Drops to floor and starts rolling around laughing.
Senator X: Did you children steal my whiskey? WHERE IS MY WHISKEY?!?!
Vladimir: Bahahahahahhahahha. Why you need Whiskey so much? You are weak...weak…
Senator X (looking at all of the Quiet and Attractive Girls): Is he right? Do I drink too much?
Quiet and Attractive Girl 3: Well it does it affect your job performance, your social/dating life or your ability to function in society?
Senator X: I would say that Whiskey actually improves all of those things.
Vladimir: Ok, you USA peoples...stop trying to make me laugh...ahahahah.
End of Chapter 3