COPYRIGHT 2019-2020 Christopher P. Cranny

 

Chapter 6: But that Legal Definition doesn’t exist yet

 

Scene opens with Vladimir walking down a dimly lit concrete stairs. 

 

Vladimir: Where are we anyways? 

 

But there is no response. 

 

Vladimir continues walking…

 

His pace begins to slow…

 

Lights flicker in the background. 

 

Vladimir continues walking. 

 

INSERT CREEPY MUSIC HERE. 

 

Vladimir continues walking.

 

Vladimir continues walking.

Vladimir continues walking.

 

A voice inside Vladimir’s head says STOP. 

 

Vladimir Pauses. He sees a hallway that ends and turns to the right in front of him.

 

The devil’s left shoulder was crooked, the devil’s left shoulder was crooked, the devil’s left…..1...2….3….better lock your door. 

 

Vladimir calmly continues walking toward the hallway. At the end of hallway, he pauses looks around and then rotates himself and looks in all directions. 

 

Vladimir smells something. He positions himself so that he is facing forward toward the turning point of the hallway where it turns to the right again. 

 

He walks forward and instead of turning to the right...he turns to the left. He sees a thin, cold, wispy substance emanating from THE WALL.

 

But Vladimir already knew what was up. 

 

He measured the size of the opening directly across from him.

 

He then proceeded to tap in the shape of a door around the outline. 

 

He then took out his Russian Tactical Knife and began poking at the corners. 

 

He poked at the top left corner and nothing happened. Same with the top right and same with the bottom right. 

 

But then he bent down and poked at the bottom left corner. 

 

The door began to gradually swivel around to reveal a hidden passageway. 

 

Vladimir sensed that someone had been standing near the door very recently.

 

Vladimir began walking down the stairs as quickly as he could while still being safe. 

 

He was now at the bottom of a wine cellar that at one point in time was used as a prison. 

 

Bottles of Canadian wine were all over the place. 

 

Vladimir: We’re obviously in Cleveland. 

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Welcome, Vladimir...I’ve been looking forward to discussing Economics…

 

Vladimir: I already told them we were not going to talk about that. 

 

Bored Prisoner 1: I know, I’ve just always wanted to say that. 

 

Vladimir: So anyways, what’s new with you? How was your morning?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Hey you don’t even know me man…

Vladimir pauses and says to himself: The American living in the hills north of Hollywood...I wonder if this is him? No, this must be someone else. 

 

Vladimir: I think we both know what is really going on here.

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Yeah...I admit it...I accidentally broke a bottle of expensive Russian wine. 

 

Vladimir: I knew it. You were hiding it behind the Canadian ones, yes?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Yeah you got me, boss. 

 

Vladimir: Was it red or white?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: It was white.

 

Vladimir: I feel ya, the white ones make me too weird and giggly. 

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Exactly. 

 

Vladimir: And it was actually Champagne right?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Yeah.

 

Vladimir: How much did you drink before it broke?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: I don’t really remember. I got really excited. 

 

Vladimir: And why were you excited?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Because I just knew a Hot Russian would come to hook up with me today.

 

Vladimir: I’m not gay...you know that right?

 

Bored Prisoner: Well my pirate Soviet radio….

 

Vladimir: You have a pirate Soviet Radio?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Well no...ummm I don’t have it….SHE has it...

 

Vladimir: Is she a hot American?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Well I would say so….I mean she’s not into me for obvious reasons...but…

 

Vladimir: Where is she?

 

Bored Prisoner 1: Did your superiors say you could have a hook up before you continue your mission?

 

Vladimir: I’m not sure...we never really discussed that. But I am only 9 so it’s probably not a good idea.

 

Bored Prisoner 1: I AM EXTREMELY TERRIFIED NOW. 

 

BORED PRISONER 1 BEGINS RUNNING AROUND THE CELL AND SCREAMING FOR HELP...HE BEGINS TO BEAT HIMSELF AND BEAT ON ALL THE WALLS. 

 

Bored Prisoner 1: They sent 9 Russians to kill me...THIS ISN’T FAIR TO ME….LET ME OUT NOW…..LET ME OUT NOW!!! LET ME OUT NOW!!!!

 

Vladimir: Jesus, they warned me you Americans were babies. I will just go ahead and unlock the door. 

 

Bored Prisoner 1 runs out of his jail cell, immediately runs into another cell, grabs an American Tactical Knife and quickly kills himself. 

 

Vladimir approaches him. Verifies that he is dead and then grabs his American Tactical Knife. 

 

Vladimir: And now I have two knives! Maybe America isn’t so bad after all. Just to be on the safe side I need to hide this. 

 

Vladimir takes out black electrical tape from his pocket and tapes the knife to his right leg. He is careful to tape it properly so that the switchblade will still open. 

 

End Chapter 6